SIMPLICITY...

"...the more hurriedly and desperately we search for happiness and meaning the faster we stir up a whirlwind of spiritual thought energy which will only lead to discontent, want and ignorance. It we become softer and slow our rush, the fear of desperation will fall away and we can then hear the tender voice of pure thought energy wishing only to guide us. Make things simple in your life. Let your life become simple in its actions, communicate simply and let your love be simple, for then it will be profound. Cultivate your integrity and inner balance and you will find your centre of pure thought energy. It will flow into your life, bringing you all that you need. In your own time you will come to see the simple truth, that the world is a perpetual wonder, created instant by instant by thought energies and that the universe is expressed in all our thoughts, in the spaces between moments and in the sparks of time."

- Christopher Hansard, The Tibetan Art of Positive Thinking

By the way, "The Tibetan Art of Positive Thinking" is the real shit. It's The Secret, yet instead of new age jargon, it's grounded in thousands of years of Tibetan thought and spiritual practice. At times it may be a tad dense, yet Hansard makes the exercises, and the basis for them, very accessible. And, the whole time, I couldn't help realize that this is an actual genesis of the Laws of Attraction...not the market for pop culture and quick fixes...the kind that I know I have been grasping at for for far too long. The grabbing. The looking at success from the outside, wanting that, craving it, and not at all for the reasons that would really fill me up. And, a big fat fucking "duh"...because it is, at the heart of it, clearly to me the reason that I hadn't/haven't yet achieved the level of "success" that I aspired to (even the notion of success that that was inside-out, that felt right from the core)...that I was looking for it externally and what I had been "doing" was not in alignment with who I am...and that disconnect, short-circuited me all the time. That congruence may not be a requirement for many, I have no idea...maybe others can tough it out, and block it out...it really doesn't matter, this is true for me, and I finally get it...or maybe it's the notion that I might be thought of as being "selfish" ("Who the hell are you to love what you do"? or, my personal favorite "Why you?"), I am not sure. In the end, to me, it doesn't matter. I found that every time I went against my gut, or felt that certain pang of (deep) dissonance inside, and ignored it, something definitely went awry...yeah, I may have gotten stuff "done" or looked like I had succeeded ("wow, you Executive Produced a studio movie", or "how great that a film you produced turned into a TV series"), far too many of my projects were, as dear, wise, amazing, honest friend, MarionLoGuidice (http://www.marionsmusic.com/) said to me a few years ago, with clarity and, thankfully, no irony, "stillborn"...she nailed it, with one word that can, and did, literally, send shudders through my soul...the fact that it reflected the truth, made it even more chilling. And when I finally felt - deeply in that way that one's head shakes about yourself, upon the moment of realization - and not see, that "it" all started with my personal disconnect from me, from my core, from my principles, every time the gut said nay, and the head countered with yay. For the first time in my life I am experiencing what it is like, in 4-D, to feel the interweaving and friendship - actually more like a love affair - between the who and the what. The being and the doing. The understanding that whether you know who Ram Dass or Eckhart Tolle is, it doesn't matter. Once one gets that the words "be here now", or understands what really is "the power of now", are way more than simply catchy popculture phrases or book titles, and an ignition key to the kingdom, a shift within is really possible. So I am learning, and loving it. That doesn't mean I am "good" at it or fully comfortable in a new emotional wardrobe. It IS that I have worked hard to get to a place where I have the OPPORTUNITY to take it on, and simply look at every day, and every moment, as the only place to be. It really is only happening here. Really. Just right here. It seems to be a fact, not an opinion. And, I am going with it. I'm liking these clothes, I am not returning them.

And, I digress. That simplicity directive, made sense to me, maybe for the first time in my life. Drama? I don't want it any more...and, I know that's an expectation, or at least a hope, that is impossible to have met. You know what I mean...I surely want less, of what is outside of me, for sure. And instead of seeing those situations, or energies that didn't feel right as being outside of myself, it's a big "yuck" when I saw that it started with me...within me. And, that outside condition is, I have been taught, a reflection of what's going on with me. So, simplicity is a place to start, so that I can see what a new lens on that might be about. It no longer has to equate with "boring". It hit me the other day that I've never been that happy when the answer to the question of "what do you do?" was simple. When it could be answered in two words. Or One. Lawyer. Entertainment attorney. Producer. Production Manager. I always seemed to be more fulfilled when the "story" had lots of tentacles. When I couldn't be placed in one box. When it was along the lines of "sometimes I am this, and sometimes I do that, and I used to do this and that, and..." It hit me then. Immediately and shake headedly. For the first time in my "professional" (as opposed to, I guess, when I was an "amateur" ) life, I have arrived at a place where the story is at its most simple. The short story. And, I am pretty joyful about it. It clicked my awareness into a new place, that next rock crossing the river, when I started saying "no" more, and "yes" less. No more (at least willingly!) to that rub, to that disconnect. Yes to honoring who I really am, and even more so, who I aspire to be. And what I do, emanating from that grounded core, come from a place of newfound respect for myself, in this moment. Not at some time in the future. I consciously chose to give to me, the best of what I have formerly given to others. Professionally and personally. Doesn't mean that others aren't getting the good stuff any more. I just get to have first dibs. And by doing so, it seems to flow out pretty freely. I like that I can now answer "Writer". And, I like, "I have an idea incubation company." That sounds right. Because it's true. And simple.