CRUMBS

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous. Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the Glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciounsly give other poeple permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

- Marianne Williamson, from "A Return to Love; Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles" (sometimes wrongly attributed to Nelson Mandela and his Inaugural Speech)

I am really not a dessert person. I would choose another order of mashed potatoes over a piece of cake (almost) every/any day of the week. Lunch or dinner.

On those rare occasions when Mr. Mashed is asked what IS my favorite dessert, there is, and always has been, only one answer. Blueberry crumb pie. A la mode or no la Mode, it doesn't matter (the best that I ever had outside of the one my kids and X made me many years ago, is from Moody's Diner in Waldoboro, Maine - www.moodysdiner.com. Incredible.). So, even though I love blueberries, what REALLY draws me to that pie, my occasional craving for it is fueled by the fruit and jelly's dance with the crumbs. It's that topping. The topper. What's on top. What gets infused with the fruit when you take that bite. Really yummy. Those crumbs.

And there I was, this morning, realizing that it's usually, if not always, about perspective. They is is rarely about the "what," it's the how (how we hold something, how we look at it, how we feel about something when we are doing/being something, etc.) that really matters. The context together with the content. Sometimes all it takes is a small shifting of the lens, zoom in a little, pull back slightly. An adjustment. And there it was right before me, an early AM opportunity to shift perspective. Crumbs. The word was in my head. For some reason I was thinking about Blueberry Crumb Pie, and right there, crumbs are, and feel welcoming, rich, something that kind of makes my throat have that purring feeling. And yet for so many years, the word "crumbs" attached itself, like that smelly blanket in the hands of a kid who won't let go, to my "story" about me (not who I am), how I came to look at parts of myself, what I seemed to be willing to accept, what I was willing to not let go of. How I was too willing at key points in my life to "accept the crumbs," not go for the main course. Even though I knew that the real light was in the letting go, I still was holding on. To that old REALLY smelly blanket that I knew, and came to attach to as truth, as emotional, spiritual DNA. And, it's not. It is fiction, and only "fact" when we make it that way. When we convince ourselves that the stories and tapes are truth, and we ignore our intuition and what we know. What we know and feel as truth. The brain and the ego aren't interested in that. The stories, and drama, seem more interesting. And at our core, we know that's the ultimate fiction and nonsense and crimes we commit against ourselves. How we can allow ourselves to accept less than we deserve, if we're not being our best friends.

I am embracing my new POV on crumbs. It was part of an extraordinary continuum of energy this week that started with Rabbi David's deeply moving look into last week's Torah portion, the story of Exodus. The Red Sea has parted, God is looking at Moses and saying, something like, "Hey, Moses, why are you screaming at me? Go talk to the Israelites. They/you know what to do." My brain laughed and my soul cried. Together. Because David and God and everyone else who has been on my side, who has my back, and SEES me, was speaking, in that one moment, through those words and powerful energy, to me. "Take the leap," David says. And I have. Another huge step this week, some fellow members of a tribe I have no idea what it is, willing to shine lights in MY dark corners, and share what they see. All of it. They showed a willingness to scream it to me, what they say, what they felt, what they GOT. That deeply loud and powerful reminder to not just acknowledge my power, but to step INTO IT, into my truth (what I know and have seen, and what I have shosen to ignore). To celebrate it in any and all ways that I need to. In order to feel fulfilled, inside and out. To embrace the power and not just accept crumbs anymore. Those crumbs. And, while it's still like a relatively new pair of favorite shoes that we first put on, it's not YET the smoothest of fits. it's an ongoing process to wear them until they BECOME natural parts of ourselves. It just has to start with the lens. The perspective. Because I can tell you, I love THOSE crumbs. And, I intend to eat alot of them.