WEDNESDAY...

"Although almost everyone in our world is able to see the physical outer layers of reality, very few can glimpse into the spiritual essence that lies within. And yet God has enabled man to peel back the successive layers of the container to reveal the light."

--Rabbi Simon Jacobson

I was already in a bit of an undefined/notclearofthesource kind of funk this morning when I saw the woman outside my "office" at the W Hotel...the quadriplegic with the SMILIEST of smiles...a seeming outward reflection of an inner vibe. One that, no matter the life lesson before me, I could not fully take in. Oh, I saw it and I knew it, and I even posted on FB about it. All true, what the Universe throws in front of us...easy pathways to get out of our own way. And, like we humans are, it's not always easy to just hop-to emotionally and shift, even in the face of an obvious "what the fuck is wrong with you, Jonathan?" moment. Whether it's brain chemistry or old tapes, or something else or more, it doesn't matter. Emotionally, psychically, I have found that I need to be patient. With myself. Not dwell, not go down too far or too long. Yet look, and allow whatever it is, to rise to the surface and reveal itself. And, thank whatever we call universespiritgod for providing such wonderful reminders and reasons to smile, inside every day. And, what I realized, as I came out of my meditation this evening, is that my trusting of my intuition needs to keep going deeper...it's been my teacher and my guide, and I could not be happier that it continues to unfold. And, over this week, I have found myself, when not listening as well as I may be able to, to me, that when I trample on my own boundaries, I allow others to get into places that might not be great. For me. And as a sometimes energysponge, if I am not centered, I can get pummeled. By me. And, instead of going dark and deep and long, I now take it as a reminder of the continuing rungs of the ladder that I want to climb (or descend from)...I know that this path is right and true. Even on days like today. When it's hot and sunny outside, Detroit in Winter within. I know what I know because of what I see reflected back. Today a friend told me that the last few times she's seen me over the last few months, I have seemed happier, "smilier" than she had ever known me to be. And, just yesterday, someone who I did not expect might really notice, who has known me through some bumps and grinds, commented that I was vibrating from a "very kind place." I like to think that all of that is true. Because for too long, my story ran me. My sadness or anger, my disappointment or my whatever. And, it's good to know that I'm trying to burn that shit down. It never goes away, whatever our Achilles' heels are (I used to want to have a 12-step program called AHA - Achilles' Heels Anonymous...once an Achilles' heel, always an Achilles' heel), yet it's all about how we deal with them. I never knew that this onion had so many layers...