(SELF)ESTEEM...

I attended a business conference on Tuesday, called re-Set 2010...all about innovative ways to look at business, in an era when the old paradigms no longer apply. Lots of meat on the bone there, very valuable, smart and open people attended. The 90 minute panel discussion was moderated by Seth Godin, whose new book, Linchpin, is all about making oneself "indispensable". The speakers/panelists included Michael Eisner (whose openness and accessibility were a wonderful surprise to me) and Tom Peters, who co-authored what some believe to be the best business book EVER, In Search of Excellence more than 25 years ago. However, the inspiration for my musing this morning was one of the other panelists, Gary Vaynerchuk, a 33-year old entrepreneur, who has become known as the "Social Media Sommelier" because of his groundbreaking web work around wine, through his video blog, Wine Library TV. Gary's energy explodes off his stool, off the stage, he's quite a "passionista", very inspiring. I am not sure what opened-up the dialogue for him to share this (not that, apparently, Gary needs ANY opening to talk about anything!), but he said that one of the most critical aspects to his phenomenal success - actually the FOUNDATION of it - is that his mother injected him with more self-esteem than "any person should legally be able to have." Everyone laughed (they were already experiencing the results of that momlove), and he went on. "When I used to come out of the hallways of my high school, in 10th, 11, 12th grade, I would walk down the halls and thin, 'No one is better looking than me. No one is smarter than me."

If Gary wasn't so warm, and open, and loving in his desire to inspire others, I am sure more people would have twinged at those statements. Taken it as a ego maniacal trip...which it wasn't. It was a statement, for him, of FACT. Not that he IS the smartest or best looking guy. That he believed it, from an innate place because he had a primary person in his life who filled him up with some powerful beliefs...that, I am sure, must have been less endearing to some at 17 than at 33. It really doesn't matter...his mother imparted in him a level of inner-belief and confidence that Gary clearly bought into, and has taken with him, no matter where he goes, what he is doing, or whom he is with. I reflected back on how I so often felt that I lacked that "gene", that inner message...whether it is because my Geminiacal being often has engaged in a tug of war within me, for so long (the arm wrestle between the parts of me that thought I could do ANYTHING, and that self-questioning soul whose even 5% of doubt could undermine the whole shebang), or other reasons, the why has no bearing. And, at another time in my life, listening to Gary's confidence would have sent me into a (quiet yet burning) inner "jealousy", looking for all the reasons to not like him, or something else that would have created separation between me and another...instead of simply hearing and feeling the connection, the lesson, the opportunity for growth. Because while there may have been just a smidgen of envy on Tuesday, it was a harebreath...his words made me smile, the power and truth of his feelings, for himself, resonating within me...because I felt, as I embrace this period in my life when I am feeling more comfortable in my skin than ever before, that one of the reasons why so many great opportunities and people are magnetizing to me ow, is that I FEEL THE LOVE, and the confidence, within me...that voice of doubt, that constant self-questioning tape in my head, is at such a low volume that it lost its power, its influence. That for the first time in my life, I FEEL things, from the inside-out, that I never have before. They may have been intellectual understandings about being smart or talented or whatever. And, there is a huge difference between thinking, or starting to believe and FEELING it...experientially...at one's core. To take ownership. And, as I have done so, the Universe seems to have responded with an exhaling "finally", and is able to provide so much abundance. In response to my own congruence. That comes from connecting in who I am and what I am doing. Which helps me not to have to try so hard. To allow more, try less. It may have been a long and winding road, one that continues, and as life does constantly, it can ebb and flow. I don't see it as reaching any destination, any place other than here. Yet I can embrace the wonder of a different tonality of "confidence", in a way that I can now embrace. And, reinforcing the lessons and gifts that I hope that I have imparted in my kids, about embracing passion in one's life (which in my family has nothing to do with feeling like you are the smartest or best looking!!!)...