"What I really need is to be clear about what I am to do, not what I must know, except in the way knowledge must precede all action. It is a question of understanding my destiny, of seeing what the Deity really wants me to do; the thing is to find a truth which is true for me, to find the idea for which I am willing to live and die."
--Kierkegaard, 1835
I know that some people think I am ADD...I am not (not said defensively!)...I just have a million things going on, inside my head and out...which (at most times) is how I would prefer it. Rather than having nothing going on. Inside. Me and anyone else, same rules apply. It's why I am drawn to smart people. They turn me on, all over. I like to think that smart is the new sexy, whether you are a woman or a man. The thing is, though, smart alone ain't enough. And we are, in so many ways, encouraging people, our kids for sure at times, to be(come) smart, we value smarts, we hold "it" up as being important. Something to aspire to. What if the goal wasn't to make people "smarter" (i.e., to use their brains more), and instead we encouraged them to be(come) "wiser". To be people of their heart. Or spirit. Or soul. More than their brains. To feel more than just think (I find myself, in writing or speaking, often substituting "I feel" for "I think", and having the whole timbre of a sentence be shifted).
I have been feeling lately that so much that was/is taught, the big lessons, no longer apply. Personally and in business. That can be scary to those among us who don't welcome change. Who may have simply liked the way things were. The old rules don't make no sense no more. Look around the entertainment business, as an example, the old paradigms, the dinosaurs, no longer work in a functioning way...whether it's the record business or advertising, or television, they are not constructs that, even if they exist in some form, hold the same weight that they always have. No wonder everyone is scrambling, no one really knows...anything. In some ways, it's like the Wild West out there. For any of us who are open to trying new ways of doing things, who didn't like the limitations of the "this is the way we have always done it," this can be an exciting time. And, challenging regardless of whether you like it or not because it is basically impossible, every day, not to be touched by someone who feels utterly confused. And/or scared. Because they wonder what IS there to hold on to that is known when it seems like we are often in a new Disney Theme Park, this one called Opposite Land. Paradigms that have been like a ceramic bowl, a secure vessel holding what is (actually, what "has been"), what is known, instantly seem to turn into a colander right before our eyes. All of our attempts to keep pouring water in, to hold the water in there, suddenly are not effective any more. And the efforts to continue to do only what we know, or have known, suddenly can exhaust us. Partly because we realize that something is no longer working. Or, simply, just doesn't make sense any more. And, we don't know where to go for the answer(s).
I have been feeling lately that so much that was/is taught, the big lessons, no longer apply. Personally and in business. That can be scary to those among us who don't welcome change. Who may have simply liked the way things were. The old rules don't make no sense no more. Look around the entertainment business, as an example, the old paradigms, the dinosaurs, no longer work in a functioning way...whether it's the record business or advertising, or television, they are not constructs that, even if they exist in some form, hold the same weight that they always have. No wonder everyone is scrambling, no one really knows...anything. In some ways, it's like the Wild West out there. For any of us who are open to trying new ways of doing things, who didn't like the limitations of the "this is the way we have always done it," this can be an exciting time. And, challenging regardless of whether you like it or not because it is basically impossible, every day, not to be touched by someone who feels utterly confused. And/or scared. Because they wonder what IS there to hold on to that is known when it seems like we are often in a new Disney Theme Park, this one called Opposite Land. Paradigms that have been like a ceramic bowl, a secure vessel holding what is (actually, what "has been"), what is known, instantly seem to turn into a colander right before our eyes. All of our attempts to keep pouring water in, to hold the water in there, suddenly are not effective any more. And the efforts to continue to do only what we know, or have known, suddenly can exhaust us. Partly because we realize that something is no longer working. Or, simply, just doesn't make sense any more. And, we don't know where to go for the answer(s).
I remember when X's and my then (ineffectual) shrink (we each saw her individually, and also together, for the better part of 14 years, putting, I am sure, quite a nice addition on her country house, but she never having a substantive material effect on moving our relationship one way or another), said to me, "Love isn't enough." She was referring to the qualities that it takes to have a relationship, a marriage, work. While Shrink C's statement evoked in me a certain, reflexive "wow...holy shit" response, my primary visceral feeling was way more one of, "Yup. I TOTALLY get that." I understood it. Experientially. And why the importance of "liking" (more than simply loving) is so true for me. Because that is the grist that can cut so deep. What Shrink C was saying that stuck with me (cutting through her treading water approach) was that one can't just go along with the myths. The lessons. The playbook. Because blindly continuing to follow them can surely set us up for disappointment (by my definition, the gap in between either expectation or hope, and what is). And, it is so important, when evaluating what works for ourselves, what rules or beliefs or truths feel right to US, that we don't have to throw out the baby with the bath water. Because noting that "love is not enough" doesn't mean that love doesn't matter, or isn't worth having (profoundly and deeply). It is simply that, alone, love may not be sufficient to hold two people together. You may need more. Go deeper. For yourself. Feel. For yourself. Respond to what is real inside (for YOU), not just to the noises or old tapes from either then (past) or in anticipation of then (future) that may not be working any more. For you. I know that throughout my life, when I have tried to fit in, from the outside-in, and/or when I have been willing to subsume my intuition about what felt right to/for me to the (possibly conflicting) wishes and agendas of others, I have never, in the end, felt joyful that I did so. Creating our own playbook, from the inside-out really seems to be the way to go. In order to make a life, not just a living. And, to do that, requires a willingness on our part to bump into the furniture (often) and bruise ourselves because we have moved the furniture, and not yet found the light switch to illuminate our new path. And no matter how many bandages and band aids I may have used - and still need - I am constantly rewarded by an embracing of new possibilities, not a lamenting of what was.
No comments:
Post a Comment