YINYANGDUALITYCONSCIOUSNESS...

On Monday evening, I hosted at my apartment a committee meeting for Romemu, a planning for the Chanukah bash on December 4th. I shopped. Cleaned. Prepared. Displayed and Presented. Fed. Poured. Nurtured. Hosted. In the way that a woman would...well, at least some. I have been invited to homes of women where there was bupkis to eat...nada...not a something. My point is not to be critical of (those particular) women. Or about typical men's consciousness, way too often, about stuff like this, even among some men who I would think would know better. So this is not about female or male...and it's certainly not about needing a "queer eye", because as anyone who knows me, or has been fed at my house, or seen me cluster pictures on a wall, or light hundreds of tea candles to illuminate a party, understands how the societal stereotypes played out in that show TOTALLY piss me off....as if you (a straight man) needs a gay guy to tell you anything about style, or creativity...or connecting with a woman and knowing what is sexy???? REALLY??? Anyway, I digress....

My point IS that it's not just a female trait, this nurturing, hosting thing...yes, it is more typical, for sure...it doesn't HAVE TO be...and, whether it has to do how one's mother "raised" him, or something else, I feel it is so essential for these qualities that are deemed to be traditionally "female" - sensitivity, compassion, kindness (Man.Kind), nurturing, sensual (and on..) - be simply encouraged as part of who we are as humans...not have them be so limiting in ways that keeps all of us from experiencing all of who we are. And want to encourage and experience in others...it is natural for me to nurture and feed and inspire...I love being, at times, a male muse. And, it can get confusing for others, particularly as a father of a male. About 3 or 4 years ago, Cooper and I were walking to school, and he was pissed off at Maia bout something, that had to do with a sense of entitlement. I told Coop that I was writing an essay about that (it was shocking enough for a then middle schooler to hear that his father was choosing to write an essay...about ANYTHING), about how that plays out often in relationships. In his still-pissed-at-Maia state, he looked up at me and in a tone that I can only describe as dazedandexasperated, he said, "Why are you SO interested in the things that women are???!!!" And in the short moment that it took to have a grin responsively appear on my face, and to understand and get deeply what he was asking below the surface, I responded, "Because I'm smart. And wise." That didn't end the conversation with him, and it surely opened my eyes to what I perceive to be the way that a father like me (whatever that means) might be somewhat confusing to my son, as he is starting to figure out (or already has/had), what it means to "be a man". Or simply a male. A straight male. Or whatever it all means. It can be confusing to males when the words that represent qualities that we seem to crave in men (and lament that they too often lack) are more feminine in perception, demeanor and sensibility. We are yin and yang. Earth, wind and fire. All of us. And we all need - male AND female - to embrace the qualities that reflect our favorite parts of ourselves. So that we can learn to nurture. And be nurtured. To give. And to be able to receive (that one took me awhile to learn, and as with everything, it's an ongoing process). I was thinking recently that while I have always been a man who embraced my "female" side from an early age, it wasn't until I FULLY took and and celebrated my testosterone - in MY powerful way, not as a reflection of the typical male imagery and (lack of) consciousness that prompted me to feel, way too often, so ashamed of being a MAN - that I could really step into my own power and feel the congruence and deep interplay of not only our two sides, but everything in between.

What makes someone seem sexy to another? Obviously there are many things, and it's a subjective answer...at it's core, I believe strongly that it has SO MUCH to do with sensing how comfy someone is in their skin...with who they are. From the inside-out, not as a piece of clothing to be worn for a night out. That's hot. To me. And that emanates from congruence within. From accessing all those parts of us, Ladies and Gentle Men...

SHIFTING AND UNFOLDING...

I have been stepping into new aspects of my life recently...situations, incarnations, people...yes, that happens every day, for sure, yet recently the water level seems to be rising. Quickly. In ways of which I take note, yet no longer blow me away in surprise. As my favorite (new) phrase reflects, "it is what it is." Embrace the is-ness. So I have. And my openness to saying "yes" has chicken-or-eggly created more people asking me things to which I actually want to have the answer be "yes". Out of desire and intent. Not out of obligation or some other motivation that isn't driven from within. "Want to co-host a radio show on love with me?" Yes. "Want to be a guest on a show about Tantra, talking about romance from the man's perspective?" Yes. "Want to be here?" Yes. "Want to....?" Yes.

So as this has unfolded, I have decided that this is the best time to apply a subtle yet, to me, profound shift in my writing. Not in its heart, or in my lens, yet in sometimes subject matter, or in its edge. To step a little further. To provoke a little more. To come out more deeply, in that sense of what that means for any/all of us. To step into our truths, if we want to. That kind of coming out. I want to push my own envelope more, it feels like time to do that. To be that. To shine a light, as I am keen on doing, into the darker and often heated-up corners. When Betsy Karp asked me whether I would co-host a radio show on "love" (that I have named InnerSense - http://www.centannibroadcasting.com/) - I said that I would...on one condition. That we could talk about love in all its forms - romantic, emotional, carnal, spiritual, erotic, friendship, parental, familial...dependent, obsessive, healthy, magical and more. Life. As we know it and feel (or don't) it. The love thing. It is what so moves us, in a myriad of forms, every day. So, let's tawk....here...

Over the last 12 years or so, I knew intuitively that I have been a work-in-major-progress. And that so much of the inner shift had to do with letting go of layers of what I may have learned or known, and yet which covered up whatever was underneath. The InnerOnion. So that I could get to what I may actually feel, believe, not be moving around feeling like I was merely a player in someone else's life or rules. To choose, not to simply be chosen. It has taken me awhile to get on the deepest, most profound level that regardless of wherever we are in our lives (me in mine), whatever anyone "did to" us, where we are at is no one else's fault. It is our responsibility. To own it, to have it, to find it - if we want. If we are willing. To live our lives as our own takes courage, because it's too easy to get lost in the rules, judgments, expectations of others. As humans, we are (I know that I have been) susceptible to accepting less of ourselves than we might of others. It is a challenge, and a blessing, to be able to take responsibility for our own lives - from the inside-out. FOR ourselves, not for others. And, it is essential to know, to understand viscerally, that walking the road less traversed takes a willingness to plug into those moments of truth and clarity and not walk away. When you stare into your own eyes and say, "This is MY life." To live intentionally and openly and bravely and faith-ly, to that point when who we are and what we do in our lives, in all aspects, are walking together in harmony...at least more often than not. Where there are minimal silos in our lives, when the open walls within our personal inner home flow together, because our need for hiding out, or separation, or that wacky notion called "control" doesn't need to exist on an ongoing basis. Anymore. When our hands fit together in our own handshake with ourselves. When we breathe in love, and breathe it out towards others as well. When living unreasonably on our own behalf, for the biggest senses of ourselves, is an essential and congruent component of our personal sense of aliveness.

As I think of my kids, I feel so deeply that among the greatest gifts that I can give, or spark in, them is to encourage and inspire them to live passionately and fully and truthfully, with a willingness to step into the unknown. Which is the component of life that IS a truth, a given every day. Whether or not we acknowledge, or see, it, or try to control it. I love that expression - not sure if it's Yiddish, Talmudic as I have a hunch it's in EVERY culture - something along the lines of "People make plans, and God laughs." It says so much, with the sweetest and cleverest of nods and smiles at the truth. I cannot tell anyone else what to do. Over time, I learned to stop listening to the voices of the unknown and unnamed (and, sometimes, known and named) people in my head to whom I had given the power over me...or, at least, too much influence. I had placed them on a power pedestal, whether they had overtly accepted the position, the "job", or not. And, it was, and is, MY JOB to undo that, to put the responsibility and power where it belongs...inside. And, it's been an extraordinary process that finds me breathing more fully every day.

These, Ladies and Gentlemen (Gentle Men), are the times of our lives. You know why? because they are the ONLY times. The ones right now. The ones for us. From which to create a life, not just make a living. If we want to, if that is what we choose. We. You, me, us. Individually. That "choice/choose" word is huge. Because until we see that we have it, the power AND responsibility for ourselves, and make those choices from our guts, so much of life can seem like it's happening TO us. And, for me, one day long (and what doesn't seem so long at the same time), I realized that this former way of operating, felt more like I was a pinball in a game that I hadn't even wanted to play, or be a part of, in the first place. And, that had to shift. I HAD to.